The butterfly sex position is one where the receiving partner lies on their back with the hips raised on a pillow and the knees dropped outward, which opens the pelvis, changes the angle of penetration, and keeps the lower back supported in a way that legs-in-the-air positions do not.
Key facts at a glance
- Hips raised and knees dropped outward is the defining shape.
- The angle is shallower than legs-on-shoulders positions.
- It is easier on the back than most raised-hip positions.
- A pillow under the hips is usually enough.
- It suits slower rhythm better than fast thrusting.
How it is set up
Lie on your back with a firm pillow under the hips, knees bent and dropped outward so the soles of the feet come together.
The partner kneels or lies between the legs. The angle is determined by the pillow height, so adjust that before anything else.
What the angle changes
Raising the hips tilts the pelvis forward, which changes the direction of penetration rather than the depth. That makes it easier on the cervix than steeper positions.
The open knee position also gives the receiving partner more control: closing the knees limits depth instantly.
What to watch
Hip flexor strain if the legs are held up rather than dropped outward.
Pillow slip: a wedge or folded duvet holds position better than a bed pillow.
Rhythm: the position suits slower movement; fast thrusting tends to dislodge the pillow.
Butterfly setup
| Element | Setting | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Hip support | Firm pillow or wedge | Holds the angle |
| Knees | Dropped outward | Opens the pelvis |
| Feet | Soles together | Stable base |
| Rhythm | Slow to moderate | Keeps the support in place |
A dual-action toy is the practical option here: see the product page for dimensions and price.
Why it is easier on the back than most raised positions
Positions that hold the legs in the air put the lower back into extension and load the hip flexors. The butterfly shape drops the knees outward instead, which keeps the pelvis supported and the strain low.
That makes it a reasonable option for people who like the raised-hip angle but cannot hold their legs up, and for longer sessions where fatigue would end a steeper position early.
Variations worth trying
Moving the pillow lower shifts the angle toward a flatter position; raising it increases it. Small changes make a noticeable difference, which is why a firm adjustable support beats a soft bed pillow.
Adding an external toy is easy here because both hands are free. A bullet or a suction toy can be held by either partner without changing the position.
What to check before you start
The pillow is the whole position. A soft one compresses and produces a flat angle, which defeats the purpose; a folded duvet or a wedge holds the height.
Check the hip angle before the session rather than during it. A pillow that is too high puts the lower back into extension, which is the opposite of the position's advantage.
When to choose something else
If the goal is depth, this is the wrong position. If the goal is a long session with low strain, it is one of the better options.
It also suits people who cannot hold their legs up, which makes it a practical choice rather than an aesthetic one.
Five variations of the butterfly shape
1. Classic with a pillow
One firm pillow under the hips, soles together, knees dropped outward. The giving partner kneels or lies between the legs. This is the version to try first, because it is the easiest to hold and the easiest to abandon if it does not work.
2. Supported butterfly
Pillows under the hips and under each knee, so the legs rest outward without muscular effort. It removes the hip-flexor strain that makes the classic version tiring after a few minutes, at the cost of a little mobility.
This is the version to use for a long session or for anyone with hip or back sensitivity.
3. Butterfly from behind
The receiving partner lies face up at the edge of the bed with hips supported and knees dropped, while the giving partner stands or kneels at the edge. The angle is steeper than the classic version, and the giving partner has better control.
It is also easier on the giving partner's back than leaning over a bed, which is why it tends to be the version couples settle on.
4. Half butterfly
One knee dropped outward, the other bent and supported. The asymmetry changes the internal angle noticeably and suits people who find the symmetric version either too shallow or too open.
It is also the version to try if the classic shape produces hip discomfort on one side.
5. Butterfly with a toy
Any of the above with an external toy held by either partner. The shape leaves both hands free, which is why it works well with a bullet or a suction toy and badly with anything that needs a firm grip and a long reach.
What the angle does, in anatomical terms
Dropping the knees outward rotates the femurs and tilts the pelvis forward. The result is a shallower line of penetration than legs-on-shoulders positions, and more direct contact with the anterior wall than face-down positions.
That combination is why the butterfly is often described as a "shallow but targeted" arrangement. It is not a depth position. It is a position for people who want a specific angle without strain.
| Variable | Lower setting | Higher setting |
|---|---|---|
| Pillow height | Flatter, more contact | Steeper, easier penetration |
| Knee drop | Narrow, more friction | Wide, more access |
| Partner position | Kneeling between legs | Standing at the bed edge |
| Support under knees | None, more mobility | Pillows, less strain |
Common problems and fixes
- The pillow slides. A wedge or folded duvet holds position; a bed pillow does not.
- Hip flexors ache. Add support under the knees, or switch to the supported version.
- It feels too shallow. Raise the pillow, or move to the bed-edge variation.
- One hip hurts. Try the half butterfly, with only one knee dropped.
- Rhythm keeps breaking. The position suits slower movement; fast thrusting dislodges the support.
Who it suits, and who should choose something else
It suits people who want a raised-hip angle without holding their legs up, people with back sensitivity, and couples who prefer slower sessions. It also suits anyone who wants both hands free.
It does not suit anyone wanting depth, anyone who finds the open knee position exposed in an uncomfortable way, or couples whose preference is fast thrusting.
Comparing it with the neighbours
| Position | Depth | Strain | Best for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Butterfly | Shallow to moderate | Low | Long sessions, back-friendly |
| Legs on shoulders | Deep | High | Depth, short duration |
| Full nelson | Very deep | Very high | Strength and novelty |
| Prone bone | Shallow | Low | Continuous contact |
| Missionary | Moderate | Low | Intimacy, simplicity |
What to have within reach
A pillow for each knee, lubricant, and a toy if one is planned. The position keeps both hands free, which is unusual and worth using.
A towel is worth having for the same reason: the open position and the shallow angle make fluid displacement more noticeable than in flatter arrangements.
How it compares with missionary
Missionary is flatter, closer and easier to talk in. Butterfly raises the pelvis, changes the angle and frees both hands, at the cost of a little intimacy and a little more setup.
Most couples use both: butterfly when they want the angle, missionary when they want closeness. Neither is an upgrade on the other.
What to do if the position is uncomfortable
Lower the support first. An arched lower back is the usual cause of discomfort, and halving the pillow height resolves most of it.
If the discomfort is in the hips, add a pillow under each knee so the legs rest outward without muscular effort.
Frequently asked
What is the butterfly position?
Lying on the back with hips raised and knees dropped outward, which opens the pelvis and changes the angle.
Is it good for beginners?
Yes. It is easier on the back than legs-raised positions and gives the receiving partner control.
Does it allow deep penetration?
Less than steeper positions, which is usually the point.
What if the pillow slips?
Use a wedge or folded duvet rather than a soft pillow.
Can you use a toy?
Yes, external toys fit the position well because both hands are free.
Related reading
full nelson sex position · jackhammer sex position · sex pillows
Last updated: 31 October 2026.